Foreword

D.A. Palmquist, Author

Principia: Sa Ki Kache is a dark story, where terrible things happen to good people while evil deeds rarely go unpunished, where justice is an inadequate remedy to the harm inflicted by callous malefactors upon the innocent, where sometimes the perpetrators of horrific crimes are themselves victims of the same abuses they inflict, and the damage done to young minds and bodies can never be undone.

Most of the emotional imagery, especially in the experiences of the children of the Lady Julianna, is drawn from my own experience with depression, despair, and hopelessness. This imagery will seem to be disturbing, frightening and, hopefully to most readers, incomprehensible. I hope that it is incomprehensible to the reader because understanding these feelings is something that cannot be learned or taught, only experienced, and that is a burden that I do not wish on anyone, but these words and images will be familiar to those who do.

People who struggle with depression, especially suicidal ideation, aren’t merely profoundly sad or lonely people who want to die to end their own pain and suffering. Depression leaves you feeling little of anything — a sort of melancholy that makes it too exhausting to experience joy or sorrow, or anger or satisfaction, in all but the most superficial ways. Even the desire for self-termination often comes as a seemingly superficial whim: “I suppose I should die,” with little apparent cause or intention to carry it out. It’s not as if we feel that we shouldn’t exist, but rather that we have difficulty assigning value to our own lives, and while this doesn’t necessarily lead to our self-destruction, it does make it difficult for us to seek or accept help because in our minds, or at least my own, we don’t deserve it. We don’t understand why people would want to help us, specifically.

That’s not to say that it doesn’t happen — I’ve been on the brink myself — but it’s not a decision typically arrived at in tears of sadness or anger. If only it were — it would be something that most people could understand, but instead the tears come as a release of the emotions our brains don’t allow us to feel. Try and imagine that: sadness to the point of tears as a welcome relief from the numbness of everyday life. I’m sure that most of you can’t, and that’s okay. You’re better off, trust me.

For the rest of you, do what you need to do. I know how it is.

And now, please enjoy Sa Ki Kache.